Hoping for dystopia

28th August 2011

Post with 22 notes

The story of my journey to sexuality

When I was like 6 I first realized there was some interest towards both men and women, this was more an attraction based out of curiosity I think. So growing up I school yard kissed a couple boys, that was fun or w/e. Round 8th grade met my first “serious” bf that lasted a couple months, haven’t spoken since really (I was associating bi at that point). 9th grade had my first serious gf. We dated about 9 months and everything was peachy. That was when I first understood what “love” felt like and that was also the first time I understand what “sexual attraction” felt like. Since I felt this so young (and not again for a while) I assumed I was a sexual person like everyone else. I was associating lesbian at this point, since I’d never felt sexually attracted to my bf.So not much happened for a couple years (except a few kisses with bi-girls at local concerts and some with my male friends) and I started crushing on a guy (so I associated bi again). This continued until I was in sr. year of highschool and that’s when I came out. It was awkward but w/e. So freshman year of college rolls around. I join my school’s GSA. Stuff happens. I end up back with my ex gf (from years ago) for like 3months. I was still totally head over heels for that guy though (that at that point I’d been into for 4 years). So me and her broke up or w/e (not because of my interest in this guy) and I started talking to that guy more (though we’d already talked a lot, I was kind of lying to myself about how I felt about him.) So slowly but surely as my emotions grew towards him so did my sexual attraction to him. Making him the 2nd person I’d ever been sexually attracted to. Well color me head over heels by the end of my 1st year of college. Well then I meet this mean girl Ameanda Meanypants (my roommate) and she explains she is pansexual or w/e and I’m like, hey that kind of sounds like me! (At this point I’ve realized I wouldn’t NOT date someone regardless of their gender or w/e (male/female/any other)). So I associated pan for a while. Well one night early on 2nd sem she mentioned something called demisexual and I’m like “WTF is this. Why are there so many sexualities I don’t know exist?” And she’s like “explanation” and I’m like O_O what? That sounds exactly how I feel but have never been able to express. So I didn’t immediately start associating demi. I sat on it for a few weeks, looked back on my past attractions (romantic/sexual/physical) and it all sort of fell into place. So I sort of accepted my demisexuality (and have been coming out to people as that slowly since a lot people still think I’m either bi/lesbian). Still CRAZY in love with that guy (Going on 6 years now) and still not SERIOUSLY interested in anybody else. :/ Though I do keep my eye open for people I think i COULD fall in love with, and I have a mental list going, its kind of hard to pull myself away from this fail attempt. I associate Pan-Romantic, in case anyone was ever remotely curious about that. So that’s my story and I hope someone actually read it. Bye.